Lucy, lounging on the couch

How did you come to live with the Tomlin family?

Lucy: Woof, woof, woof, woof, woof.

Translation: They adopted me from the Lost Dogs Home in North Melbourne. I clearly remember the day they came. They’d been looking for a companion for their other dog, Snoopy, for a few months, and decided to visit the Lost Dogs Home on the way home from a funeral. When they saw me there, they fell in love with me. They asked if they could bring Snoopy in to see if we got along, but were told someone else was coming to collect me later in the afternoon. They left a contact number just in case things didn’t work out. Two hours later their phone rang and they were asked if they were still interested in adopting me. They brought Snoopy to meet me, and the first thing he tried to do was wee on my head! Of course, they took that as a good sign, and as I didn’t complain, I got to go home with them. (I did get my revenge by weeing on the carpet.) Lucy Vampoosy Interview

Where did you live before you became a pound puppy?

Lucy: Woof, woof! Woof, woof, woof woof.

Translation: Oh, I don’t really remember my first family, but I do remember why I left. I was a rebellious teenager. I wasn’t allowed to do the things I wanted to do, like digging holes, staying up late and going out by myself. I decided I’d run away and have a grand adventure. Travel the world, become a star … you know, the usual stuff. Well, my plans were ruined when I was picked up for pooping in a public place and sent to the pound. Where else was I meant to poop? It’s not like I could use a public toilet, even if I could find one. The world is my toilet … that includes your nature strip. Lucy Vampoosy Interview

I take it you like living with the Tomlin family, given you haven’t run away again.

Lucy: Woof, woof, woof.

Translation: I did try running away once, but I only made it about ten houses away before they lured me back with a dog treat. Those dog treats get me every time. Besides, if I’d been successful, we probably wouldn’t be here discussing this right now. When I saw that Melanie, my furless Mum, had started getting her books published, I knew I had a shot at becoming a star. By the way, don’t forget to give me my treat. I count that as a question. Lucy Vampoosy Interview

How did you convince Melanie to write a book about you?

Lucy: Woof! Woof, woof, woof, woof.

Translation: Please, it didn’t take much effort! She loves me as much as that furless baby she had. I just looked cute, answered to her nickname for me (that’s the Vampoosy part of my name) and let her refer to me as a vampire dog. The rest, as they say, is history. Now I just have to get her to work on the sequel. Lucy Vampoosy Interview

What’s your favourite food?

Lucy: Woof!

Translation: Chicken schnitzel. Lucy Vampoosy Interview

Who is Farty Bum Ralph?

Lucy: Woof, woof, woof!

Translation: Are we here to talk about me or that little upstart who sooks, whines, farts and now wants a book of his own?

Ralph, Lucy and her book

Is he another adopted dog?

Lucy: Woof, woof, woof, woof.

Translation: Yes. He came from the Echuca Animal Rescue Service. We drove a long way to meet him, and I was tired. If I had been in possession of my faculties, I would have turned up my nose and said, “He’s not Tomlin family material.”

That’s a bit harsh, don’t you think?

Lucy: Woof, woof, woof. Woof, woof.

Translation: It’s a dog-eat-dog world, but I can be gracious. Of course, the fact that he snuggles up to me in winter and keeps me warm is a big plus. I’ll put up with almost anything as long as I’m warm, loved and fed.

What happened to Snoopy?

Lucy: Woof, woof, woof.

Translation: I don’t want to talk about it. It just broke my heart. I feel like he abandoned me. I hope he’s enjoying himself in dog heaven while he can. When I get there, I’m going to chew him out for not saying goodbye to me before he went there.

(Note: Our beloved Snoopy was very sick. Letting him go was the hardest decision we’ve ever had to make — a kindness to him, and devastating for us. We still miss him, five years on.)

Snoopy

Why should people buy your book?

Lucy: WOOF!

Translation: Look, I’ll be honest with you. Fifty percent of all sales goes towards buying me dog treats. Unless people want me to go back to my old diet of spiders, bugs and frogs, they need to buy my book. Oh, and the other reason is because I’m a celebrity, and everyone wants to know how the other half lives.